Men get hurt too | This Tangled Web. I recommend that you got to this site.
“What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us.”
Henry David Thoreau
‘In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it’
At ‘This Tangled Web’ we are very aware of male survivors as much as female survivors. The balance of help available for male survivors compared to female survivors is far more in favour on the female side. Here on this page we will try to provide male survivors with good tools & resources for the healing journey.
I am thankful for all those who have been willing to share your feelings and knowledge here. It is vital to recognise that men do indeed get hurt too and deserve the same recognition, help and support… and we live in hope that society as a whole will catch up on this.
Many male survivors tell us that it is very difficult to find resources which are specifically for them. What suits one person may not be right for another, so shop around! Here we will endeavour to list and link you to male survivors resources:
‘Boys Cry Too’ By John Mark Clubb
’Broken Boys, Mending Men’ By Stephen D. Grubman-Black
‘Speaking Our Truth’ By Neal King
‘Victims No Longer’ By Mike Lew
‘The Male Survivor’ By Matthew Parynik Mendel
‘Evicting The Perpetrator’ By Ken Singer
‘Abused Boys’ By Mic Hunter
‘Whispers From Within’ By John Harrison
‘Silent Victim’ By Tommy Fielding
‘Fear of the Collar’ By Patrick Touher
‘Mother from Hell’ Kenneth & Patrick Doyle
‘Dear Teddy’ JD Stockholm
‘Telling Teddy’ JD Stockholm
‘Stupid Boy’ JD Stockholm
‘Beyond Survivor’ Jan L Frayne
Male Survivor Blogs…
MY HEALING FROM CSA
ONE MAN’S HEALING
‘WOUNDED WARRIOR’ – Jan L Frayne
37 YEAR WAIT – James Moran
A male perspective on childhood sexual abuse…
People who have been abused deal with things in different ways, and we males are no different in that respect. For some males, the fact that someone has abused them will mean that they will then go on to learn boxing, karate or some other type of self defense. Often, although they become quite proficient at what they learn it never feels enough, and they will strive to learn more. Some males will feel that because they could not protect themselves from the abuse that they can never protect themselves. They will become timid and shy, easily picked on by others at school, which just goes on to reinforce how they feel about themselves. Other males, who are physically strong, often go onto using that strength to prove to themselves that they can now stay safe. Often these males will have problems controlling anger, more likely to suffer road rage, get into fights, etc.
Abuse blurs the emotional development of all people who are abused. Problems can arise when shame, guilt and anger intermix, something that is not at all uncommon for the male abuse survivor. Some males will use sport as an outlet for anger, some will use drugs and drink. Neither of these will work all of the time. The only way forward is to work through recovery. Talk about your anger. Talk about your feelings. Part of the problem is the anger that is felt at ones self for having been abused. By learning that the abuse was NOT your fault, removing the shame and guilt, anger does become easier to control. Part of recovery is to learn to identify your emotions. To learn the difference between been annoyed and been angry.
I use computer games as an anger release. I play Doom, and blast hell out of the monsters that I mentally paint the face of my abusers on. For me this is safe because I do realise that it is only a game, and not real life. I also fully realise the consequences of what would happen if I did such things in real life.
- Recovery is absolutely possible and achievable for me.
- I will practice being disloyal to dysfunction and loyal to functionality.
- I give myself permission to connect with loving, affirmative, strong, sensitive, accepting men and women in my community.
- I release and forgive myself for any responsibility I have accepted in the past for my abuse.
- My abuser(s) from the past chose to hurt me—I will stop repeating the lie that it just “happened” to me.
- Giving myself daily compassion is necessary for my healing and growth.
- I commit to connecting to the boy inside me today so we can play, laugh and experience joy together, even if just for a minute or two.
- I believe deep inside me that I possess the ability to face the truth of my abuse and the tools to heal.
- I have the right and the ability to speak the truth of my abuse and deserve to be heard, understood, believed and supported.
- Feeling is healing. As I heal, I develop the ability to experience a wider range of emotions to enhance my health and connect to others.