Dead Baby Jokes Over heard at the #TeamWendy party for @WendyDavisTexas
- What is funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume.
- What is the difference between a baby and a onion?
No one cries when you chop up the baby.
- What is the difference between a dead baby and a water melon?
One’s fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other one’s a water melon.
- What is the difference between a baby and a dart-board?
Dart-boards don’t bleed.
- What is the difference between a baby and a mars bar?
About 500 calories.
- Why did the family take the dead baby along on the cookout?
So they could light it and toast their marshmallows.
- Why was the dead baby kept in the kitchen drawer?
The family used it to crack nuts.
- Why do people keep dead babies in the rec. room?
They cut off one leg and use it as a ping pong paddle.
- Why do you put babies into blenders feet first?
So you can see the expression on their faces.
- Why do they boil water when a baby is being born?
So that if its born dead they can make soup.
- Why did the baby cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken.
- How many babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
- How many babies fit in a blender?
Depends on how powerful the blender is.
- How do you know when a baby is dead?
It doesn’t cry if you nail its feet to the ceiling
- How do you find the live baby in a pile of dead ones?
Jab ’em all with a pitchfork.
- How do you save a drowning baby?
- How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Pour gas over it and light a match. Woof.
- How do you turn a baby into a cat?
Freeze it solid, then run it through a bandsaw. Meeow.
- How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender.
How do you get them out again?
- How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off its head.
A glass of soda water and 2 scoops of baby.
- What do you call two abortions in a bucket?
- What is red and is creeping up your leg?
An abortion with homesickness.
- What is a foot long and can make a woman scream?
- What is a foot long, blue, and makes women scream in the morning?
- What do you call a dead baby pinned to your wall?
- What is red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A baby in a microwave.
- What is blue and yellow and sits at the bottom of the pool?
Baby with slashed floaties.
- What is red and yellow and floats at the top of the pool?
Floaties with a slashed baby.
- What is red and hangs around trees?
A baby hit by a snow blower.
- What is green and hangs around trees?
Same baby 3 weeks later.
- What is pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
- What is pink and goes black with a “hiss.”?
A baby thrown into a furnace.
- What is brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.
- What is purple, covered in pus, and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
- What is black and goes up and down?
A baby in a toaster.
- What is red and hangs out of the back of a train?
- What is red and goes round and round?
A baby in a garbage disposal.
- What is red and swings back and forth?
A baby on a meat hook.
- What is red, screams, and goes around in circles?
A baby nailed to the floor.
- What is red and sits in the corner?
A baby with razor blades.
- What is blue and sits in the corner?
A baby in a baggie.
- What is black and sits in a corner?
A baby with it’s finger in a power socket.
- What is green and sits in the corner?
Same baby two weeks later.
- What is black and charred?
A baby chewing on an extension cord.
- What is black and white, runs around the room, and smokes?
A baby with his hair on fire.
- What is blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung.
- What is cold, blue and doesn’t move?
A baby in your freezer.
- What is pink, flies and squeals?
A baby fired from a catapult.
What do you call the baby when it lands?
- What is red and has more brains than the baby you just shot?
The wall behind it.
- What is white and glows pink?
A dead baby with an electrode up its ass.
- What is more fun than nailing a baby to a wall?
Ripping it off again.
- What is more fun than throwing a baby off the cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
- What is more fun than swinging babies around on a clothesline?
Stopping them with a shovel.
- What is more fun than shoveling dead babies off your porch?
Doing it with a snow blower.
- What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A baby combing it’s hair with a potato peeler.
- What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A baby tied to the back of a truck.
- What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
Twins in an acid bath.
- What is red and pink and can’t turn round in a corridor?
A baby with a javelin through its throat.
- What is little and can’t fit through a door?
A baby with a spear in its head.
- What is the definition of fun?
Playing fetch with a pitbull and a baby.
- What has 4 legs and one arm?
A doberman on a children’s playground.
- What has 10 arms and blood all over it?
A pitbull in front of a pile of dead babies.
- What is red and pink and hanging out of your dog’s mouth?
Your baby’s leg.
- What present do you get for a dead baby?
A dead puppy.
- What is grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
- What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There’s a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
- Know what’s gross?
Running over a baby with a truck.
Know whats worse?
Skidding on it.
Worse than that?
Peeling it off the tires.
- What is the worst part about killing a baby?
Getting blood on your clown suit.